The Amish Cook at Home

What a thrill to be chosen as a cookbook reviewer by Relish Magazine! I am a self-taught home cook and there is nothing I enjoy more than reading a good cookbook. So, I was excited when my first assignment arrived. I was hoping for a cookbook by a well-respected cook such as Bobby Flay or Dorie Greenspan, or a sophisticated cookbook from some fun locale.
    What arrived was, The Amish Cook at Home. Okay, I went to college not far from Arthur, Illinois, and respect the Amish, so why not? It’s a glossy cookbook with lots of glossy photos of Amish life, and includes a lovely and well-written introduction about the Amish. Certainly I never thought of the Amish as good cooks, but no reason to doubt, just because of my ignorance.
    I scoured the recipes. They are arranged by season, not by category, which is a bit disconcerting. The book is also filled with photos, but not photos of food. Photos of Amish life. Horses, children’s feet, funeral markers, clothes hanging out to dry on a clothesline, and, of course, buggies.
    Looking at the recipes themselves, a bigger problem emerged: the ingredients. Many of the recipes use ingredients not available to someone not living on a farm or living a rural life: ground venison meat, concord grapes, lard, "home canned" beef chunks, and dandelions, to name a few. There were actually three recipes using dandelions as their central ingredient.
    Next, there is an equipment problem. I have a fully loaded kitchen, so didn’t think there would be any equipment that the Amish have that I do not possess. After all, many of the Amish, as the introduction pointed out, don’t approve of owning cars. But, the Homemade Vegetable Juice recipe uses a "Victorian strainer," which I do not own and of which I have neither seen nor heard.
    Okay, but simplicity is bliss, so I soldier ahead and decide to try to make "Funeral Pie." Yep, another problem: the recipe names are strange. Funeral Pie, the notes say, is served to "comfort grieving families" or at weddings. A recipe that swings multiple ways is an interesting idea. The pie crust for Funeral Pie uses a cup of lard, and so the name may also refer to the fact that eating too many of those pies will clog your arteries and kill you.
    I go to three supermarkets in search of lard, two of which are large chain stores. No lard. Lard is rendered pig fat, and about as unhealthy as one can get on the shortening scale, but my job is to review the recipes as written, not make substitutions.
    I email my editors. Never having had an editor before, that is real fun. I tell them that I cannot locate lard. The reply: "the joys of lard are many, but we understand your trouble finding it." Too funny.
    I am now a woman possessed. I find lard at the local butcher shop. It is gooey, not easy to work with, and has a slight animal smell. But, everyone I mention lard to tells me a story of their childhood memory of their grandmother or great-grandmother making fantastic pies with lard. The pie crust that resulted was flakier than any I had ever made using butter or Crisco, but did have a slightly unappealing smell.
    The Funeral Pie is a raisin pie which was simple and easy to make. One of my taste tester friends said that the Funeral Pie tasted like bad mincemeat pie. One friend, whose grandmother owned a small, rural bakery, said that it was the second best pie he had ever eaten, the first being Grandma’s apple pie. But, the majority gave it a thumbs down.
    Next, the Venison Sausage recipe caught my eye. Well, what really caught my eye was the photo of the graceful and happy looking deer standing, alive, next to the recipe for Venison Sausage. I found that to be disturbing, but I guess that is because I am sort of a city gal.
    Of course, no deer meat to be purchased in the local grocery stores. But, I know a deer hunter. A quick call to John-the-Hunter resulted in the "loan" of 2 lbs. of ground venison which John had frozen after last fall’s hunt, which he was happy to lend to me.
    The Venison Sausage recipe literally takes days to make. The Amish apparently have time for this recipe. Modern cooks, such as myself, do not. First you mix the venison with spices, then refrigerate for days before boiling for an hour and a half, then refrigerate for 12 more hours before serving. So, no way to throw Venison Sausage together for a last minute meal. The result got mixed reviews. John-the-Hunter, liked it, but most of my tester friends thought it was less than stellar.
    Next I decided to try a recipe that I thought would be appealing. A friend told me that the Amish are best known for their baked goods. I decide to try the Pizza Cookies. Yes, a strange name again. And, next to the Pizza Cookie recipe in the cookbook there is a lovely photo of five pairs of barefoot children’s feet. Not exactly an appetizing juxtaposition.
    Pizza cookies are a peanut butter shortbread cookie topped with chocolate chips, mini marshmallows and Mini M & Ms. Of course, I could not find Mini M & Ms, except in tiny tubes. That ingredient problem again! My grocer told me that Mini M & Ms are only available in bags during the winter holiday season. So, I substituted regular size M & Ms. The cookies were easy to make and came out looking great.
    I used kid taste testers for the Pizza Cookie recipe, since the recipe was touted as one that the kids liked to eat in the car. No explanation of the inconsistency with the introduction which discussed how most Amish don’t approve of cars. One of my recipe testers, Max, age six, told me that he didn’t like the recipe name. He expected Pizza Cookies to have cheese on top. Good point, Max. But, Max liked the taste of the cookies, as did his younger sister, Zoe. Zoe said, with a mouthful of cookie, "I like the tops but not the cwust," after which she finished two large cookies, CWUST and all. The adult testers agreed that the cookies, including the peanut butter shortbread crusts, were quite tasty.
    One recipe out of three. Not good, but to be fair, I decided to try a fourth recipe, "Easy Baked Whole Chicken." Easy Baked Whole Chicken has just five ingredients, including canned cream of mushroom soup. I have a recipe for an easy whole baked chicken that uses just two ingredients, chicken and Dijon mustard, that is fabulous. The Amish Easy Baked Whole Chicken came out slimy with an unappealing retro taste. Yuck.
    So, as a cookbook reviewer, I cannot recommend The Amish Cook at Home. It is certainly not worth its $29.99 price tag. But, as a foray into the world of the Amish, is was very interesting. One friend said that it would make a good coffee table book. Indeed.

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