For someone who spends as much time as I do in the kitchen, Thanksgiving should be a breeze. Instead, it's been a string of near misses, and the very thought of stuffing a turkey makes me want to lie down with a cold cloth over my head.
The trouble started the first year I was married. My plan was to wow my husband with the best Thanksgiving dinner since the Native Americans sat down with the Colonists. I bought a turkey at Macy's and carried it home on my lap on the subway. I might have made a pot of cranberry sauce the night before, but as I remember, I was in no hurry to start cooking.
The next day we went to the parade, and by the time the turkey was ready to go in the oven, it was dark. Around midnight, I asked my husband to open a bottle of wine, and he said he was too weak from hunger.
The next year, I had a schedule. I set the alarm for the crack of dawn and by noon, the turkey was ready to go in the oven --- right on time. But as I was lifting the pan, I noticed I wasn't wearing my wedding ring. I knew where it had to be and was faced with one of those decisions cooks sometimes make in the privacy of their kitchens. Should I spend time taking out the stuffing to find the ring or stick to my timetable and hope it would land on my plate? I decided to take the risk and stay on schedule.
Of course, there was always the possibility, which I did not even want to think about, that my husband would swallow the ring and end up in the emergency room with a tube in his nose. On the brighter side, there was an outside chance the ring would turn up as I scooped out the stuffing and he'd never have to know what was going on. When that didn't happen, I had no choice but to come clean. I remember offering to make his favorite pasta with artichokes and mushrooms and save the turkey for the next day, but in the end we decided to take our chances.
We poked around with our forks like a couple of treasure hunters, and after a very long couple of minutes, the ring turned up on my husband's plate buried in stuffing. We agreed it could have been worse, although at the time, I couldn't imagine how much worse things could get. The next year, we decided to give Thanksgiving a rest and let his mother do the cooking. Ever since, I take off my rings when I cook.
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